Humans are empathy deprived:

Most employees in the United States are empathy deprived. We are not really listened to when we have problems. Yet, what comes from a listener is advice, suggestions or their personal stories. We are empathy deprived because we are not understood for what we are going through. We have learned in society to offer sympathy or these fix-it type of communications that disconnect the connection between the speaker and listener.

To prevent emotional and physical violence in the workplace, human resources needs to teach a different type of listening to its management and employees. This type of listening is healing to the emotions and can diffuse anger instantly. The process is called called empathic listening and was developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. Not only does this type of listening offer healing to the emotions when used correctly, it also develops trust and connection between the listener and the speaker.

With empathic listening, a listener focuses on the speaker for as long as possible. The listener needs to develop an intention to really want to hear and understand what the speaker is expressing. The speaker authentically feels heard and understood by this listener.

The Connection:

One of the main ingredients of empathic listening is to identify and connect with our values, otherwise known as our needs. Some of our physical needs may be for air, food, rest, safety or shelter. Some of our emotional needs may be for acceptance, love, safety, to be seen,, to be heard, trust or purpose. There are many values that we all have and if these values are not satisfied, our emotional and physical energy can be depleted.

If an angry employee was in front of me, I would offer empathic listening. The focus immediately goes to the angry person.. I would ask this man about his values in a special way. I would ask by using a question: such as, are you wanting more ______________ (respect)? I would then listen to a reply and offer another empathic guess. For example,

I might ask,, “are you also wanting to be heard for how difficult the situation is?” What I am doing right now is connecting with his values. The first value was for respect. The second value after he responded was for being heard and understood.

In review,

I am not telling him what he needs, I am asking him about a specific need or value. I ask: are you wanting ___________? I fill in the blank with a value as I did above. In fact, I may even be incorrect, yet this is okay as it may help the person I am listening to understand what he wants as he is thinking about what needs he would like satisfied.

Empathic listening is not easy to learn but is crucial for a more peaceful workplace. It is the responsibility for human resources to learn and teach these skills, otherwise violence will happen again and again. Your co-workers, management, venders and anyone that you come in contact with are all your customers. Everyone should be able to offer emotional support to them for their safety and yours. We never know when somebody has had “enough”.

A new one-hour CD that can help you learn and practice these empathic listening skills is titled ” How to Calm Angry Customers, Instantly” and may be found at RickGoodfriend.com [http://rickgoodfriend.com/]. Rick Goodfriend is also a workshop leader and certified corporate speaker on this important topic. He is available for all media interviews as an expert and entertaining guest and can be reached at 805 898-9336 to answer any questions or for workplace support.

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