The Illusion
The experience I had with “self improvement” (or lack thereof) speaks to the issue that all of us face. We’re unable to create what we want for our lives because frankly we’re unable to realize The Illusion that we’re all trapped in.
In The Illusion, it SEEMS as if we’re going in a particular direction (e.g. it seemed as if I was trying to improve myself), or it may seem as if we’re going after a particular goal or that we are being a certain way. On the surface things may look that way, but in actuality something entirely different is going on below the surface such that the way things seem aren’t what they really are.
Hence The Illusion: we’re deluded into thinking what we see in terms of our behaviours, goals, actions and desires are really what they are.
Because we’re not aware that what we think is real really isn’t, we become increasingly frustrated when we don’t get what we CLAIM we desire through the actions we think we’re taking.
In life, we usually deal with three types of desires/goals etc.
There’s our conscious desires. These are our desires that are on the forefront of our minds. They’re the desires that we’re aware of that we have, e.g. saving up to buy a home, financial goals, etc. These goals/desires mask what’s really going on underneath.
There are our unconscious desires. These are our REAL desires that are masked by our conscious desires. There are the desires which give rise to the actions that we take. They’re based on the experiences we had in life, many stemming from our childhood. They’re based on a false “self” of who we think we are. Most of us are totally unaware of these desires almost all the time.
Lastly, there are the desires that stem from our CORE being. These desires are based on who we really are, not the false “self” that we created that’s based on our past experiences. These desires are based on the fact that we are Divine beings put on this earth for some purpose, and our desires and actions stem from that SELF. Sadly, most people will die never getting in touch with the desires of the TRUE self. These are our ONLY desires that are NOT a part of The Illusion.
We’re not getting what we want because of the discrepancy between what we think we desire, what we’re actually going after, and what we REALLY desire.
Are you sufficiently confused yet?
In my case, I thought I wanted to improve myself, but I was actually trying to impress my mother. All this hid what I really desired from my CORE, which was simply to be a good person. The discrepancy between these three things, and also the fact that I was completely unaware that there was a discrepancy, guaranteed me not getting not only what I thought I wanted, but what I really wanted from the core of my being.
This is like planting apple seeds and when an apple tree sprouts, you then rage and shake your fist against the gods in heaven as to why they hate you so much for not giving you an orange tree.
I’m sure there’s been a lot of fist shaking and raging in your life, because there still is in mine.
You may be thinking, “What type of idiot can’t tell the difference between an orange seed and an apple seed?” Well I have news for you: you, me and the rest of the world most of the time think we’re sowing one thing, when in actuality we’re sowing something else, and we are thus surprised at what we wind up reaping, expecting to have reaped something else.
Get it?
Think about the person who works hard all his life to graduate medical school and be a doctor. What if in actuality his father used to call him stupid all the time when he was young and him becoming a doctor was a way of trying to prove to his father he wasn’t stupid?
On the surface, he went to college, studied hard, graduated with honours, took his MCATs, got accepted to medical school and got a medical degree.
However, that was all an Illusion. What all those actions REALLY were was him trying to prove his father wrong, thinking that by achieving his goal he would finally achieve happiness, or feel smart.
Interestingly enough, when the dude finally becomes a doctor, to you, me, him and the rest of the world, he may seem as if he’s carrying out his duties as a doctor, that’s The Illusion, but in actuality, his actions will be more aligned with his desire to be smart. His desire to be thought of as smart, which in turn is actually an overcompensation of him really feeling he is stupid, will supersede his duties as a doctor and from time to time, may adversely affect his career as a doctor in one way or another.
Until you become aware of your unconscious, underlying desires in life, they will continue to control your actions and give you an outcome that doesn’t match up with what you consciously say or think you desire.
We all live inauthentic lives to one degree or another where we take actions that are neither compatible with our conscious desires nor our core being.
Our actions most of the time are based on past experiences rehashed in our minds that we play out over and over and over again. Thus we never truly live life in the present, but rather we live from our experiences.
We’re not able to live The Viable Alternative, which would mean to create from the desires that emanate from our core being simply because we’re not aware of what we really want. We’re not aware of what we truly desire because are hearts and minds are blocked by The Illusion and we all sadly think it’s real in one way or another.
It reminds me of when we were kids, and we would be running around the house making noise. Now, if our parents were to come home in a good mood, they may simply give us a warning to stop making noise, or if they were in an extremely good mood, they may even laugh at our gesticulations. However, Heaven forbid if one or both of our parents came home in a bad mood because they got screamed on by their boss, or got caught up in traffic on the way home. Most likely, we were on the receiving end of a sound beating.
Now on the surface, it would look like the parent was disciplining us, and they would claim so. However, what was really going on was that the parent was in a bad mood and hit us to let off some steam.
Please, I’m getting flashbacks, someone give me a hug….
Anyways, really, it’s these inauthenticities that exist in all areas of our lives that keep us from creating the lives that we would truly want. We react to experiences and our emotions rather than act from who we really are.
I also recall the many times I marveled in disgust when I go to the gym and I see a person who has been going to the gym for a number of years the same fat, sloppy mess that he was when he first started. On the surface he takes the time to go to the gym, pay his gym membership, and work out, but if so, why is he still in such horrendous shape?
Well, if you look closer at his actions (barring him having some type of thyroid disorder), he’s doing EVERYTHING to guarantee that he doesn’t reach his goal. He works out the WRONG way, and refuses to ask anyone for help, he probably eats like crap and doesn’t want to discipline himself to eat what’s healthy, and not only does he smoke cigarettes, but he probably lights one up as soon as he leaves the gym.
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